Dubai: parachute

While I was on the treadmill today I figured out why I really want a partner. Before I would always say I didn't want to raise children alone. And that's why I wanted a partner. Because everyday I consider having a baby on my own through anonymous donor. Almost feel like I would yield better results than from the donors I know. 

But yesterday I met a friend from the office for breakfast and we were talking about creative things we like to do. And then I told him. I don't really want my kids to be raised by corporate Kim. Because I don't really like her. She's smart and cunning. But I'm not sure she is suited for motherhood effortlessly. I think I could separate the two  but the underlying theme would be a corporate monster. I've never liked corporate but it's an amazing training  ground for all the ills life has to offer. They suggest the future but are too rooted in the past for real change. And if they really are encountering a new frontier they fumble all the way through it. All the way. Cluster Fuck after cluster fuck. 

Anyway. I realized that I am not who I want to be full time because I am afraid of the fall from failure. So my fantasy husband is creative yet stable. He would live in a container house with me, and travel by back pack through India. And maybe even rent a house boat in the Caribbean for months at at a time. All while working at his cool job with great health plan and consistent bonuses. And he would permit me to follow my dreams without fear because he would be my parachute. And I realize now that for my adult life I have been the parachute of stability in my relationships.  And that could be the reason why I remain single. 

I don't want the burden of consistency. I don't want to be the parachute. I want to be the wild card. Even if my dreams aren't that crazy. 

If failure wasn't an option I would be:

Sassy wife

Mom of 3 great kids

Mom to A pair of basset hounds

Gallery owner

Freelance photographer

Owner of a modular housing company. Manufacturing and construction included 

World traveller

Furniture maker

And greenhouse Gardner

Home on 4 continents

Eternally happy

dubai: energy

so i told you in the last post that i lost my job last week. (still looking for a better way to describe that).  its not like i don't know where it is.  is right where i left it.  

by the way i didn't love that job.  i loved what it was suppose to be, but it never amounted to its potential.  like any relationship that doesn't bare fruit, it should be discontinued.  but rejection, no matter the reason is awkward.  stating it nicely.  anyway the last time i got laid off, exactly two years ago, i was relieved.  and i was relieved this time.  

now last time, they laid me off, i went to beirut for a break, then to india….then to looking for a job.  i did the math in my head, and freaked out on occasion.  but only one major freak out that was managed my girlfriend missy.  i kayaked, paddle surfed, did yoga, rode my bike, met my friends out, couch surfed, got acupuncture, travelled to beirut two more times, traveled to qatar twice, went to jordan for a bit.  and late into the game, 7 months in i started freelancing….and once i got the hang of it, i almost committed to not going back to corporate.  at 11months i was at a new job, with an assumed amazing new company.  and almost immediately started suffering.

suffer why?  because i want a nest egg.  not even a big one.  just one that allows me to day dream at times.  one that allows me to have under the tuscany sun moment, if needed in marbella.  one that allows me to live my dubai standard, with out the dubai drama.  oh how they hold hands. ever so tightly.

anyway, this time.  i think finding the job first and then going on a nice leave is the better approach. finalizing budgets, so i really understand how much time i have, save the money now…so that it can stretch.  see if not going back is an option.  and being corporate about my approach in that sense.  like really run the numbers, get real data to support or kill the idea.  syla, emancipated images….are the priorities.  investigate in companies that conclude my education.

as i digress.  energy.  in this time of change, all of my important people contacted me, and i just find it amazing how energy is un spoken.  they know something is up.  what exactly. no.  but this is just proof how things are working that you know nothing about.  and no matter what you plan, there is already a plan in place.  people are playing parts they don't even know exist.

i want to ride the energy..how about you?

mdc

Dubai: break ups and babies

You know it seems to be the time of ying and yang. Everyone I know is either going through a relationship break up, or having a baby. 

And each love lost or love gained has been either a perceived blessing or curse.  I find that most of my friends are wondering why me, why now?  And then my other friends are like thank God it's over, or thank God it happened. 

I found that the only way to find value in these changes is understanding how you react to them. If you think it's ok it will be. If you think it sucks it can be shit as well. I am doing my level best to believe that every life changing event is an opportunity for me to grow. To establish and create the better kim. This week I had a break up as well. I was laid off from my job. And I have to say even though in 2012 I spent 11 months out of work. I wasn't sad. I just felt like the universe is telling me something. And for the first time I'm getting it. Because the message has always been the same. This square peg is not fit for this round hole. Find the right fit Kimmers. Be who you really are. Make a difference. Stop chasing the money. Let it come to you. Try a different approach. It's time to be who you really are. Don't keep the real kim be reserved for vacations and   weekends. Be her everyday. Be her now. 

And I want to. So let's give her a try. 

Mdc