dubai: love

I have a very close friend that is going through her first adult break up. And I've been guiding her through it a bit.  

I will admit that I've been separated from this type of love for a long time. It's happened to me twice in 37 years and they were deep emotional traumas that I don't care to repeat. And honestly I've been in weird pointless relationships ever since. 

Not pointless ok, but not productive.  Kinda dead before they started. Made me enlist a new rule of only liking men that I find interest in, not those that find interest in me. Because honestly the men that find interest in you come with a false sense of security; just because they initiate doesn't mean they are are any more loyal or worthy. They are just not shy. That's all. Anyway, I didn't care if those relationships evolved or not. And I knew it at the beginning. 

OH but there was this one guy. He was special.  Is special. One of the interesting people who actually occupy space in my heart. I wasn't romantically in love however.  But loved him all the same. I made a calculated decision to "fall" for him. And you know what?  That didn't work either. So these days I'm pretty numb to it. This thing we call love. It's whatever for me these days. Really Whatever. 

Anyway baby is going through her first heart break. And I've been reassuring her again and again that this is life. And all those other great phrases our mothers tell us...basically life will go on. But then I remembered. I heard all that crap and it took me two years to get over JSB and shamefully I had to leave the country to finally break the 8 year tie between me and JSW. So then I thought. Shittttt. 

Baby is probably at the very beginning of road heartbreak, similar to what I experienced. And then I became sad, because the tough thing about heartbreak is that this is a situation where logic barely prevails. Logic has nothing to do with it. This is about feeling.  And the only way to get through is to hit the bottom and pray that you pop back up. But there is always the chance you hit bottom and explode in a million pieces. 

Im sure she will survive. But going through this with her really made me think how I never thought i would get pass the heartache myself. But not only did I move on, but now I've mistakenly moved passed it in its entirety. And I didn't realize it, until her heartache reminded me. 

I have some work to do. And baby does too.